HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE

“Don’t just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and in what they are doing. Your attitude should be the kind that was shown us by Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 2:4-5 LB)

Hurt people hurt people. If someone is hurting you, that person is doing so because he or she is hurting. We need to look beyond people’s faults and see their needs. Then we can learn to love.

Have you discovered that the most obnoxious people and the least loveable people are those who need love the most? The people we would rather ignore are the ones who desperately need massive doses of love. Everyone needs love. If a person can’t get love, he will strive for attention. And if he can’t get attention, he will work at attracting negative attention. Subconsciously, he is saying, “I will be noticed, one way or another.”…

If instead of thinking about a person’s faults we begin to think about their needs, it will change the way we feel. 

-- Rick Warren in “God’s Power to Change Your Life”

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UNDERSTANDING OUR PAIN

“We despised Him and rejected Him -- a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief.”  (Isaiah 53:3a TLB)

One evening the members of my small group were discussing that verse, and someone asked an intriguing question: what, exactly, is the “bitterest” grief? Is there one pain that outweighs all others? One hurt that has no equal? We threw out all sorts of possibilities: divorce, the death of a mate, the death of a child, Alzheimer’s, cancer… But in the end we decided that the “bitterest” grief is the one you happen to be going through at the moment.

That’s the perfect answer. And the perfect message for hurting believers everywhere.

Whatever agony you happen to be going through right now, Jesus is acquainted with it. Don’t be fooled by the fact that He lived a couple of thousand years ago. Satan would love for you to think that because Jesus didn’t live during our hectic, complicated times, He couldn’t possibly understand what you’re going through. Not true. Pain is pain, whether you’re wearing a tunic and sandals or Dockers and a Polo. And Jesus had plenty of pain. More than enough to understand how you feel. 

-- Mark Atteberry in “Free Refills: Coming Back for More of Jesus”

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FORGIVING OUR GRIEF-GIVERS -- Part 2 of 3

 Based on 1 Samuel 24.

Vengeance fixes your attention at life’s ugliest moments.  Score-settling freezes your stare at cruel events in your past.  Is this where you want to look?  Will rehearsing and reliving your hurts make you a better person?  By no means.  It will destroy you.

I’m thinking of an old comedy routine.  Joe complains to Jerry about the irritating habit of a mutual friend.  The guy pokes his finger in Joe’s chest as he talks.  It drives Joe crazy.  So he resolves to get even.  He shows Jerry a small bottle of highly explosive nitroglycerine tied to a string.  He explains, “I’m going to wear this around my neck, letting the bottle hang over the exact spot where I keep getting poked.  Next time he sticks his finger in my chest, he’ll pay for it.”

Not nearly as much as Joe will, right?  Enemy destroyers need two graves.  “It is foolish to harbor a grudge” (Ecclesiastes 7:9 TEV).  An eye for an eye becomes a neck for a neck and a job for a job and a reputation for a reputation.  When does it stop?  It stops when one person imitates David’s God-dominated mind.

-- Max Lucado in “Facing Your Giants”

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FORGIVING OUR GRIEF-GIVERS -- Part 1 of 3

Read 1 Samuel 24.

As we think about the purveyors of pain in our own lives, it’s one thing to give grace to friends, but to give grace to those who give us grief?  Could you?  Given a few uninterrupted moments with the Darth Vader of your days, could you imitate David?

Perhaps you could.  Some people seem graced with mercy glands.  They secrete forgiveness, never harboring grudges or reciting their hurts.  Others of us (most of us?) find it hard to forgive our Sauls.

We forgive the one-time offenders, mind you.  We dismiss parking-place takers, date-breakers, and even the purse snatchers.  We can move past the misdemeanors, but the felonies?  The repeat offenders?  The Sauls who take our youth, retirement, or health?

Were the scoundrel to seek shade in your cave or lie sleeping at your feet…would you do what David did?  Could you forgive the scum who hurt you?

Failure to do so could be fatal.  “Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple” (Job 5:2 NIV).

-- Max Lucado in “Facing Your Giants”

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WHY THE SCARS?

“While they were still talking about this, Jesus Himself stood among them and said to them, ‘Peace be with you.’ They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. He said to them, ‘Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at My hands and My feet. It is I Myself! Touch Me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.’ When He had said this, He showed them His hands and feet.”  (Luke 24:36-40 NIV)

One detail of the Easter stories has always intrigued me: Why did Jesus keep the scars from His crucifixion? Presumably He could have had any resurrected body He wanted, yet He chose one identifiable mainly by scars that could be seen and touched. Why?

I believe the story of Easter would be incomplete without those scars on the hands, the feet, and the side of Jesus… The scars are, to Him, an emblem of life on our planet, a permanent reminder of those days of confinement and suffering.

I take hope in Jesus’ scars. From the perspective of heaven, they represent the most horrible event that has ever happened in the history of the universe. Even that event, though -- the crucifixion -- Easter has turned into a memory. Because of Easter, I can hope that the tears we shed, the blows we receive, the emotional pain, the heartache over lost friends and loved ones, all these will become memories, like Jesus’ scars. Scars never completely go away, but neither do they hurt any longer. We will have re-created bodies, a re-created heaven and earth. We will have a new start, an Easter start. 

-- Philip Yancey in “The Jesus I Never Knew”

#5332

RESENTMENT AND BITTERNESS

Do you have a whole in your heart? Perhaps the wound is old. A parent abused you; a teacher slighted you… And you are angry.

Or perhaps the wound is fresh. The friend who owes you money just drove by in a new car. The boss who hired you with promises of promotions has forgotten how to pronounce your name. Your circle of friends escaped on a weekend get-away, and you weren’t invited… And you are hurt.

Part of you is broken, and the other part is bitter. Part of you wants to cry, and part of you wants to fight. The tears you cry are hot because they come from your heart, where there is a fire burning. It’s the fire of anger. It’s blazing. It’s consuming. Its flames leap up under a streaming pot of revenge.

And you are left with a decision. “Do I put the fire out or heat it up? Do I get over it or get even? Do I release it or resent it? Do I let my hurts heal, or do I let hurt turn into hate?... Resentment is the deliberate decision to nurse the offense until it becomes a black, furry, growling grudge…

Unfaithfulness is wrong. Revenge is bad. But the worst part of all is that, without forgiveness, bitterness is all that is left. 

-- Max Lucado in “The Applause of Heaven”

#5215

WHERE GRACE ABOUNDS

Grace is not blind. It sees the hurt full well. But grace chooses to see God’s forgiveness even more. It refuses to let hurts poison the heart. “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” (Hebrews 12:15 NIV) Where grace is lacking, bitterness abounds. Where grace abounds, forgiveness grows. 

-- Max Lucado in “Grace: More Than We Deserve, Greater Than We Imagine”

#4901

IF I CAN’T FORGIVE

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."  (Colossians 3:13 NIV)

If our past fences us in with resentment and with desires for revenge, we are old before our time because the past holds us captive. If I can’t forgive someone who has hurt me in the past, even if the hurting was mean and intentional, I am letting them control me years later. It is enough that someone hurt me when I was five or fifteen or fifty. Why let them continue to hurt me today? Why should I allow their deeds to control me still, decades later?

-- J. Ellsworth Kalas in “I Love Growing Older, But I'll Never Grow Old”


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FINDING JOY

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  (James 1:2-4 NIV)

Hard times are not the time to push the pause button on this great adventure with God… We can find joy in the midst of our circumstances. This is God’s will for His people who want to live with a yes-heart.

It may be surprising to think of joy as something we experience not in the absence of trials but in the midst of them. But some Bible scholars believe it’s actually impossible to experience true joy any other way. In difficult times, we can experience joy by saying a defiant “Nevertheless.” I am struggling; nevertheless, God is good to me. I am hurting; nevertheless, I know God loves me. I am confused; nevertheless, I know God is with me. 

-- Lysa TerKeurst


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A CONTAGIOUS WORLD

Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.”  (John 13:34-35 NIV).

In a contagious world, we learn to keep our distance. If we get too close to those who are suffering, we might get infected by their pain. It may not be convenient or comfortable. But only when you get close enough to catch their hurt will they be close enough to catch your love.

-- John Ortberg in “Love Beyond Reason: Moving God's Love from Your Head to Your Heart”

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