Quite dramatically it dawns upon you: There is a God. There's more to life than what I have been seeing. There is a God. And God makes a claim on my life.
Perhaps at the very same moment, you get a whole different view of yourself. Scales fall off. It is horrible. "I've been living for me. I've been curved in on myself all these years… All the love lost! And the betrayals -- by neglect as much as anything! The blindness! Woe is me. I'm a mess that can't be fixed. I've got to close all these thoughts up and get out of here." The boat is sinking.
But then, if you are blessed, just as soon as the horror of self-knowledge is embraced, there comes another feeling of presence. A gentle voice which speaks from the depths of the soul, even from the depths of the universe. "It's all right. Do not be afraid. I know who you are. Forgiveness is Mine to grant. I'm not here to destroy your life. I'm here to remake it." It feels like death at first, but then there is new life. "So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; look, new things have come into being!” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NRSV)
The sudden apprehension of God's reality creates a sudden knowledge of self. And you perceive a horrible gap between yourself and God. But immediately into the breach God pours love and forgiveness in Christ. There is an intuition that God knows full well who you are, loves you anyway, and empowers you to change. Beneath the crisis of the meaning of life, whatever form it takes, God gives a sense that all is well and you are kept in love. God lifts you out of the sinking boat.
– Adapted from Gerrit Scott Dawson in “Heartfelt”
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