LOVE IS A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION

“Walk in love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us…”  (Ephesians 5:2)

We often think, at least unconsciously, that when we finally fall in love and decide to share our lives with another person, everything in our lives will fall into place. We'll "settle down," as we say, and, the implication is, we'll stay settled until "death do us part."

I call this the Shoe Box Notion of love. In this view, a relationship is like a shoe box… in which you keep something precious like your wedding bouquet. You wrap the flowers in tissue paper, put them in the box, … and hope the contents will stay just as they are forever and a day.

Unfortunately, this is precisely how many of us think about relationships. We put our love in a shoe box, stash it, and imagine we can retrieve it unchanged anytime we want. We think we don't have to do anything to make sure it doesn't get moldy or moth-eaten.

In truth, however, a relationship is a journey and not a destination. It begins with a love that captures our attention and ignites our passion, and goes through the innumerable and unending undulations and permutations that give it texture, character, and spice, and which, without our necessarily liking or expecting it, shape and reshape the two people who created it…

A relationship is about movement, growth; it is a holy interpersonal environment for the transformation of two souls.

-- Daphne Rose Kingma in “True Love”

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CALLED TO FELLOWSHIP

We are called to fellowship with one another. The Greek word koinonia means “having in common” or “sharing” [--  sharing possessions, sharing experiences, sharing life, sharing one’s self with another.] It is the word used for the marital relationship, the most intimate between human beings. Our fellowship is with God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – 1 John 1:3; 2 Corinthians 13:14) and with one another (1 John 1:7). Christian fellowship cuts across race, color, education, background, and every other cultural barrier. There is a level of friendship in the church that I have certainly never experienced outside the church.

John Wesley said, “The New Testament knows nothing of solitary religion.” We are called to fellowship with one another. It is not an optional extra. There are two things we simply cannot do alone. We cannot marry alone and we cannot be a Christian alone. Professor C.E.B. Cranfield put it like this: “The freelance Christian… is simply a contradiction in terms.”

The writer of Hebrews urges his readers, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another…” (Hebrews 10:24-25a NIV). Often Christians lose their love for the Lord and their enthusiasm for their faith because they neglect [biblical] fellowship. 

– Adapted from Nicky Gumbel in Alpha’s “Questions of Life: A Practical Introduction to the Christian Faith”

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THE IMPORTANCE OF TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord Himself, is my strength and my defense; He has become my salvation.”  (Isaiah 12:2 NIV)

Have you ever seen the [1975] movie “The Stepford Wives”? The wives in Stepford are systematically replaced by robots that look exactly like them. The husbands can count on precisely the behavior they want from their cyber-spouses. No uncertainty. No frustrations. No need for trust.

But, if you are a man, would you really want a woman who always dressed up for you, always fixed the food you wanted, always cleaned up after you, always agreed with whatever you said, always devoted herself to your pleasure with no will of her own? (The correct response here would be "No.")

"Stepford" is a nightmare community. Why? Because [there is no trust] and trust is the only way that loving persons relate. It can never be removed from the equation. It is the only way to honor the freedom, the dominion, and the dignity of a person. That's the way [our relationship with God] works: trust, risk, vulnerability, faithfulness, intimacy.

-- John Ortberg in “Faith & Doubt”

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THE MARRIAGE TRIANGLE

“As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.”  (Isaiah 62:5)

How well I remember the challenge of compiling the guest list [for our wedding], which makes the scene in the second chapter of John very personal, as a wedding is taking place. “Jesus’ mother was there, and Jesus and His disciples had also been invited” (John 2:1-2). Evidently their names were on a guest list, and they had accepted the invitation.

What about including Jesus in your wedding plans? In your marriage? My husband and I had our wedding bands inscribed with a triangle that signifies there are three of us in this relationship: God at the apex, my husband and me at the lower corners. As we grew closer to God individually, we also drew closer to each other. That principle got us through some bumpy territory. It will do the same for you.

If you need a miracle in your marriage, invite Jesus into the relationship. He’ll be there when you need Him most. Send the invitation -- do it today! 

-- Anne Graham Lotz in “Fixing My Eyes on Jesus”    

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