"How are you?"
That familiar question makes me smile as I consider the possibility of giving a totally honest answer after living with cancer for the last two years.
Many times the question comes from a stranger, such as the waiter who introduces himself at our table in a restaurant. The answer is more about making him feel comfortable than about my current health. So I automatically say, "Fine, thanks," even when I'm not so fine.
When a good friend or family member like my son-in-law asks, "How are you?" I sometimes go for the obvious, smart-alecky answer. "I have cancer," I say with a grin, "but otherwise, I'm great." To that, my son-in-law rolls his eyes and vows never to ask me that question again.
Many times the question comes from well-meaning people who care but don't need a lengthy description or a boring tale of woe. Last week at church, soon after I got home from yet another hospital stay, several people asked, "How are you?"
This is when the question challenges me the most. How do I give a current, appropriately honest answer? After all, when cancer enters a person's life, it changes how she is. I liken it to living within a picture frame with a persistent dark cloud on the horizon. But cancer also brings the odd gift of making today's sunshine preciously important, so that day I answered the question this way: "I'm good for today… and today that's good enough for me."
Next week or next month, the appropriately honest answer might be different, so I ask God's help in seeking the right words.
Father, I want the answer to "How are you?" to point back to You. Please give me the words that reflect my faith.
-- Carol Kuykendall in Daily Guideposts 2009
#2253
NOTE: Today's quote was submitted by a SOUND BITES subscriber in Wisconsin. I know there are subscribers who are dealing with the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, the loss of health, or the loss of a relationship. How do you respond to the question "How are you?" I invite you to leave your comments by clicking "comments" below today's posting.
Friday, February 27, 2009
5 comments:
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I guess I don't like to get this question and find it hard to get the right answer.
ReplyDeleteThis thought hit me and I like it a bit. What I say is: "I'm doing pretty well. How is your life?" I do await an answer to this and it isn't that easy.
Curt Silverthorne
This is truly inspiring and inspirational. I also struggle with the answer to that question when I’m not feeling well. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks,
Margaret in Florida
When we lost our son 11 years ago, people asked us "How are you doing?" When we would honestly respond, they wouldn't know what to say. What they wanted to hear was, "We're getting over it. We'll be fine soon."
ReplyDeleteAfter our daughter was killed by a hit-and-run driver (almost 17 years ago, but time means nothing, as you know, when you're grieving the loss of a child), people so often asked, "How are you doing?" I usually said, quite honestly, "I don't know." Never having had an experience like that, I couldn't gauge whether my feelings were normal or if I should have been concerned about the level of despair I felt. Most close friends thought I carried on with life fairly well, but still, after all these years, I am very easily moved to tears over little sadnesses and funerals for even casual acquaintances are almost impossible.
ReplyDeleteAt the time she died, I was so concerned about her two children... that I didn't seek counseling myself. I'd make a different decision today. I truly don't know how people handle death if they don't have the knowledge that they'll be reunited with their loved ones someday.
God bless,
P. Williamson
When I am asked the question "how are you" I reply with the same old pat answer "fine, and you?" After all, does anyone really want to hear that I've lost my job, my baby grandson, and that I am fighting depression? Ummm, I think not. So my smile might not be quite as sincere as it should be but I'm as "fine" as I can be at this very moment.
ReplyDelete